Simulations With You
As the Year Comes to an End
Cold December wind blows past my window. As I turn the last page of the calendar, I find myself reflecting on the past year. Like always, the year started with hopeful plans and fresh resolutions, but the reality of living through it turned out quite different from what I had imagined.
This year was particularly difficult. It felt like multiple large waves crashing over me simultaneously, rather than just one small wave at a time. Trying to keep my balance among those waves, there were many moments when I felt like I couldn't breathe.
When Change Arrived Unexpectedly
It was early spring when news of company-wide restructuring began to circulate. At first, I thought, "Surely not my team," but as time passed, I could feel the ripples getting closer and closer.
Every morning commute felt heavy. Even during the short elevator ride up to my floor, countless thoughts raced through my mind: "Will my position be safe?" "What if I'm laid off?" "Should I update my resume?" "Should I start looking at other companies?"
Lunch conversations with colleagues became more cautious. No one wanted to be the first to voice their worries, but I could see the same anxiety reflected in everyone's eyes. Whether sipping coffee, walking down the hallway, or sitting in meeting rooms, that anxiety was always there.
When Nothing Felt Easy
The unstable situation at work was hard enough on its own, but personal challenges piled on top of it. Sometimes it feels like life is deliberately testing you. This was exactly one of those times.
Difficulties arose in a close relationship, and personal issues I had been postponing all surfaced at once. Problems that I could have handled one by one under normal circumstances became overwhelming when combined with work stress.
Even after coming home from work, my mind couldn't rest. Lying in bed, my thoughts kept spiraling: "What will happen tomorrow?" "What if this continues?" "Can I really handle all of this?"
After tossing and turning all night and finally falling asleep, I'd wake up even more exhausted in the morning. Days passed like this, then weeks, then months.
Carrying the Weight of Worry
People often say that 99% of what we worry about never actually happens. But in the moment, those words offer no comfort at all. The anxiety and worry I felt seemed so vivid and real.
As summer approached, I asked myself: "Am I going to spend my time just worrying, or am I going to find something I can actually do about it?"
That's when I started to shift my thinking, bit by bit. It wasn't an easy process. I couldn't change everything at once. But I started small.
Small Plans, Small Actions
First, I decided to separate what I could control from what I couldn't regarding the work
situation. The direction and decisions about restructuring were beyond my control. What I could
control was doing my current job better and making myself valuable to the team.
Every morning at work, I gave my best effort for that day. I volunteered for new projects and
offered help to colleagues when they needed it. In meetings, I spoke up more actively and took
the lead in problem-solving.
Most importantly, I made time at the end of each day to comfort myself. I told myself it was
okay not to be perfect, that what I accomplished today was enough.
As Autumn Passed
When autumn deepened, the company made its official announcement. The restructuring was smaller than expected, and fortunately, I wasn't affected. My efforts had been recognized, but honestly, there was also an element of luck.
Personal issues also resolved themselves gradually over time. Not everything was perfectly settled, but at least things became manageable.
That's when I realized something. Of all the worst-case scenarios I had worried about from spring through summer to autumn, almost none of them actually happened. There were difficult moments, of course, but they weren't nearly as catastrophic as I had imagined.
Between Worry and Preparation
This experience taught me something important. The saying "99% of worries never come true" doesn't mean you should just think positively about everything. It actually means the opposite.
Worry itself isn't inherently bad. Worry signals that there might be a problem. What matters is how you handle that worry.
Instead of exhausting yourself worrying excessively about an uncertain future, use that energy for actual preparation. Instead of staying up all night imagining the worst, take small actions to prevent or prepare for those situations.
My more proactive approach at work, facing personal issues instead of avoiding them, setting small daily goals and following through—these were all forms of preparation.
The outcome was much better than I had feared. But I don't think it was simply because I was lucky. I believe I created better results because I prepared and responded in advance.
Looking Toward the New Year
Now another new year is beginning. Like this time last year, it's a time filled with fresh plans and resolutions. But this year, I want to approach it with a different mindset.
Above all, I want to practice letting go of worry. I won't be able to let go completely, but at least I'll try not to be controlled by it. Whenever worry creeps in, I'll ask myself: "Is this something I can control right now?" "If so, what can I do about it now?"
The biggest lesson from this past year is this: most of the things we worry about never actually happen. And even when difficulties arise, we are stronger and more capable of handling them than we think.
How to Live Today
On the first morning of the new year, I look out the window and make a promise to myself. This year, I won't sacrifice the present because of uncertainty about the future. I'll make plans without being obsessed, prepare without worrying excessively.
Waking up each morning to do my best for that day, and encouraging myself in the evening that I lived today well—that's what I want to practice most this year.
It won't be easy, of course. More unexpected challenges may come. But now I know that when those moments arrive, I can respond without falling apart. And that most worries never become reality.
If I could say something to last year's version of myself, it would be this: "It's okay. That thing you're worried about won't happen. And even if something difficult does occur, you'll get through it well. So don't worry too much, and just live in this moment."
✨ Focus on the Present
Worries often feel heavy, like gravity pulling us down. I created Gravity of Thoughts to help visualize this. It's a space where you can turn your heavy thoughts into physics objects, watch them fall, stack, and interact. Sometimes, just seeing them as objects helps us realize they are manageable.
Try Gravity of ThoughtsIn Closing
Life ultimately isn't determined by what happens to us, but by how we accept and respond to what happens. The same situation can become an entirely different experience depending on the mindset we approach it with.
This year, I want to spend less time worrying and more time taking action. Instead of fearing an uncertain future, I'll focus on what I can do right now in this moment.
And most of all, I want to be kinder to myself. I'll remind myself that it's okay not to be perfect, that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes, and that simply doing my best is enough.